How to let go of control
I’m reading Untethered Soul by Michael Singer (Affiliate link). He made a fascinating point about how what we think about is usually an attempt to control a situation or solve a problem and it actually contributes to the overall problem. I contemplated what he shared and then considered some of my recent thoughts and how these thoughts were currents of energy that were essentially blocking my overall flow of awareness because I was fixated on the thoughts.
One of the realizations I’ve had in light of this sharing is how much my thoughts are preoccupied with problems that I want fixed. Are the thoughts helping me fix the problem? Not really. They give an illusory sense of control. I am thinking about the problem and therefore I am “doing” something about the problem. But am I actually doing anything? I am thinking, fixating, obsessing, but I am not getting anything done.
What I think about is occupying my mind, but it is also occupying my being. It’s not serving me in any way that actually helps me. The occupation of our being means we can’t focus on what calls to us. We’re too busy trying to solve this problem and creating other problems. I’m not writing as much when I’m preoccupied with thoughts about a problem I can’t solve.
The solution, according to the book, is to let the thoughts go. But how do we do that? Something I do is focus on being aware of the environment around me. If I start thinking, I catch myself and go back to nonconceptual awareness, being in the environment, instead of distancing myself. Another practice I do involves directing the thoughts toward a magical process that turns those thoughts into fuel to help manifest a result.
Really, though, what I and perhaps you need to do is let go of control, specifically control around the object of your thoughts. And whether its a person, an event, and experience or something else, what you are doing is objectifying through thought in an attempt to control whatever it is you are thinking of, but also in an attempt to make what you think of less overwhelming. Yet it doesn’t work. The more thought you put into something the more you are controlled by the thought and by extension what its you are thinking of. It doesn’t seem all that effective, does it.
In my book Inner Alchemy of Internal Work I share the following about letting go as it relates to other people.
What I’ve come to realize through this work is how much my tension really has nothing to do with other people. If anything the tension is an indicator of insecurity within myself and when I hold presence with it, I open myself up to embracing, working through and letting go of the insecurities. I’ve found this to be a helpful practice around other people in my life, because instead of getting worked up about those people, I’m starting to really see that my issue is with me.
This doesn’t mean we should write off a situation as solely because of our own issues. Rather what it means is we should endeavor to recognize the role our issues play in a situation and release them, while also making sure we’re in a healthy situation and if not either working through it with the people involved or letting go, because ultimately you need to take care of yourself, before you can take care of and be with other people.
Letting go of control can feel terrifying and also liberating. It restores the energetic and creative flow and in the process brings you back to the heart of your universe, where the wonders of imagination lie in wait for you. I know this because when I am at my most creative I have no thought, just flow and this experience of flow feels intuitive, powerful and connective.
It’s not always easy to let go of those thoughts. They can haunt you and when they do, usually there is emotion wrapped into the thoughts. Don’t push those emotions down. They may feel stuck and the solution is to open yourself to them and fully feel the discomfort they bring up, as well as the deeper underlying narrative. You might be feeling guilt, so feel the guilt and release it. Clear up the energetic emotional and you clear up the thoughts. I open myself to the emotions and as they well up, I release and relax. I am open to the experience. And the thoughts dissipate…
Want to get better at letting go of control? Pick up my free book on meditation and learn a couple meditation techniques that help you take control of your life.
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